Note: This is an update that went out via email on January 30, 2006 to all those people who'd asked to be kept updated regarding my condition.  I was quite depressed when I wrote it, and when you read it, you will see why.  However, you need to continue on to find out what has transpired since.  All the updates that follow this one, from January through May, were originally sent out as email updates.

Dear Family and Friends, 

I’m writing at this time because my condition has changed once more and because I am again asking for your prayers.  If I ever needed them, I need them now. 

I’m going to back up a bit, because my last update did not get out to everyone. 

In October of last year (2005) I saw Dr. Boone, my oncologist in Bend, and we decided it was time to have another PET scan done, to assess my situation.  After finishing chemo and radiation near the end of 2003, no visible growth of cancer appeared on X-rays.  On August 1, 2005 I also had a couple CT (CAT) scans done in addition to more X-rays when I was put into the hospital with low oxygen levels and bronchitis.  This was on the occasion of breaking my ankle, if you’ll recall.  No cancer was visible on any of these tests. 

And, although I had a setback with the broken ankle and couldn’t exercise as I’d been doing, I did not feel like I had cancer.  No excessive tiredness, no dramatic reactions to allergies, etc.  Jim and I both were pretty sure I had no cancer at all. 

That was not the case, however, and what the PET scan revealed (it shows small groups of cancer cells not visible by other means) was a number of tiny tumors extending throughout my torso and including both lungs.  At the time, Dr. Boone felt they were being held in check by my immune system, and he thought no treatment was best, not wanting to upset the delicate balance of my system. 

That test was done three months ago. 

After the bronchitis in August, I had a reoccurrence of that in November, and at that time began coughing blood, which Dr. Boone said was a sign of bronchitis.  However, it did not go away, and just as I was leaving the Bend area to move, Dr. Boone suggested I have a bronchoscopy, because he feared it was a tumor causing the bleeding.  That was in mid-December.  The cough stayed with me, which is not unusual for me.  I have always carried a cough for a long time once I get it, and much of it was due to allergies.  The bleeding also stayed, and in the last three weeks or so, I’ve been experiencing a gradual worsening of shortness of breath, to the point where I really can’t be physically active at all, this past four days or so. 

Two weeks ago I saw a new oncologist in Medford (Dr. Ahmann) for the first time.  Dr. Ahmann also had concerns about a tumor, and arranged for me to have a CT scan this last Friday (January 27), to compare with the one done in November when they did the PET scan.  He also set up an appointment with a pulmonary specialist, in case we needed that done to determine if a bronchoscopy was necessary. 

In the time since I saw Dr. Ahmann, my shortness of breath has increased a noticeable amount, so I called his office today to see if it would be possible to get some oxygen or something, to avoid another acute attack like the one that caused me to be in the hospital four days in August for that, and because it is so far to an emergency room from here. 

When Dr. Ahmann called me back, he said that he’d taken some time to go over the report on my CT scan that had just come, and to look at it.  It was not good.  He said that one of the tiny tumors located in my lung, that was not even visible on a CT scan 3 months ago, is “now the size of your fist” (don’t ask, I don’t know whose fist). 

He said that he felt sure that the pressure from this tumor was causing the bleeding and the shortness of breath.  He said I also had fluid on that lung. 

He said the bronchoscopy would not be necessary now, and he said he felt I should start on the same chemotherapy Dr. Boone had suggested.  He had to prescribe some other medication to take the day prior to the chemo treatment, and said I had to take Folic Acid (of the B vitamin group) for a week prior to treatment, so I begin chemo a week from today.  I had him call the prescription to the pharmacy here in Happy Camp, and had spoken to them prior to his call so they would be expecting it.   

Unfortunately, I was so shocked and upset by his news that I completely forgot to ask about the oxygen, so I called back, and spoke to someone in his office, suggesting that I might have the test done here at the clinic.  She called from Medford to arrange that, called me back and we rushed over to the clinic where I filled out a mountain of papers.  By the time I walked the 8 feet or so to get behind the desk, and the lady put the little clip on my finger, my blood oxygen level was at 87.  She asked me to walk up and down the hall with her, and after walking slowly for 45 seconds, it was down to 85, and she said I could stop.  Evidently 85 is the lucky number… it appears that Medicare pays if it is below some number, and does not if it is above that. 

They called Dr. Ahmann’s office with that information, and told me I would hear from the doctor, it would be arranged.  So, just a few minutes ago I did receive a call from the doctor’s office, just before 6 pm.  Since it was so late they could not arrange it tonight, but they will call early tomorrow morning to a company in Yreka who delivers it to Happy Camp, and at the clinic they told me this company is very good about taking care of their oxygen patients, so I guess all that can be done is being done. 

It was amazing to me what first came to my mind when I received this news, because it was that I was completely unprepared for it, and I am not nearly ready for the end of my life to be near.  I have too much to do.  Too much I want to get ready, too much left that I need to do.  It was so strong, in fact, that I felt that I really should jump up and scurry about doing something – but what?  I had no idea, because there were so many things rushing through my mind.  Then reason set in and I realized that I couldn’t do anything until I could breathe right, so I would at least have to wait until I had some oxygen to get my levels back up to a reasonable place so I could move about freely.  Perhaps by that time I’ll have decided just what it is that is so urgent.  There are some things wewant to take care of, and they really need done even if I had no cancer.  Beyond that, I’ll have to make the decision as to what I want to do. 

There are still some things I’m not clear about, but it appears, from things Dr. Boone said that if you’ve had some chemo treatment you can’t do them again, and I’m not sure why.  Perhaps it is because they are too harsh on your system for longer treatment, or perhaps they feel in my particular case it would be true.  From my experience with the earlier tumor, however, only the chemo with the worst side effects was really effective against that tumor.  However, it may be a different kind, since that was a very slow growing tumor, and this one certainly is not.  The chemo they are going to try is one of only two kinds left for lung cancer that have not been given to me, and Dr. Boone called it a “gentle” treatment; gentle side effects and a gentle disturbance to the body.  In that case, is it going to have any effect on a fast-growing, aggressive tumor?  These are questions I will have to ask. 

Meanwhile, there is still something important that all of us can do, and that is to pray.  Jim and I are still trusting in the Lord.  And, at this point I want to make it clear just how we are trusting in Him.  We do not trust that he will make me well.  We can ask for that, and do, but only if it is His will.  We trust that He not forget us, that He gives us courage, strength, peace and comfort.  We know He will not fail us in this, and that is all we can ask.  If it is my time to leave this earth, nothing we can do can change that.  We do not know what serves His purpose, or where His will leads us, but wherever it is, we are sworn to follow.  We are His. We hope all of you will also pray to the Lord for us both, and buoy us up with your prayers as we prepare to do great battle again against this terrible disease.

 Love to you all,

 Marcie