February 21, 2006

          Hi All,

 

I'm sending this out in response to a number of inquiries as to how I’m doing. 
 

It has been a full two weeks since I had my first chemo treatment, and I’m due for the next one next Monday, six days from now. 
 

I actually did pretty well as far as side effects go, it could have been much worse; but, I had forgotten just how fatigued you feel with chemo, as the memory had faded with time, and for about five days it had me “cowering” as I call it, feeling I did not have the strength to lift a finger, let alone an arm.  I think it hits me so hard because my physical condition is poor at best even without the chemo. 
 

Unfortunately, despite all our precautions, I caught a cold immediately after having the chemo, something I’ve not had for at least three years.  Due to the impairment of the immune system from the treatment, it hit me like the monster cold of the century, and I’ve been pretty miserable with that in addition to the chemo side effects.  There’ve been no signs of infection, however, and that is good. 
 

We also had some difficulty for almost a week in trying to balance mouth sores (a side effect) for which they wanted me on a soft food diet, and getting enough protein to fight the cold off, and try to build my immune system back up, fighting against the chemo knocking it down further for about 10 days, it said in their literature. 
 

I developed another terrible cough from the cold, and began taking some cough medicine for that a few days ago.  It makes me sleep, keeps me dizzy so I can hardly walk around, and sometimes makes me nauseous, but the cough was getting so bad I couldn’t sleep, so it was needed.  It has helped a lot the past few days and I’m able to sleep better now. 
 

The strain of waiting has been the worst part of this time, for both Jim and I.  Jim has a particularly difficult time with periods like this, because he feels he must remain strong for me.  He feels bad in the first place because he feels he’s supposed to protect me from things, and is helpless to protect me from this disease.  So, he feels he must remain always strong for me, no matter how much he is hurting, too.  This is a very difficult position to be in, and I’m sorry to say that I’ve brought stress to him that he’s never had in his life.  It comes out in various ways, but the most troublesome for him is that he has developed over the past several years, panic attacks.  Since I had these in the past I knew just what they were, and just knowing what they are, how they affect you, and how to handle them is a help, but they are still difficult to deal with, and with the stress we are both under right now, waiting to see if the chemo is working, is tremendous.  It is excruciating. 
 

Just yesterday he had three panic attacks, and as the time grows shorter this week, we could use all your prayers to help us get through this time. 
 

Today he has gone to Yreka to testify before the County Board of Supervisors on a mining issue, and while this is a welcome diversion, as with all things, nothing can wipe this time thing from our minds.   
 

I have taxes to work on, other paperwork related to medical care (which is never ending), but this impending time line is always there.  For some reason it has taken the form of a dripping faucet in my mind (I would have thought it would be a clock ticking, or sands falling) and no matter what I am doing, or trying to concentrate on, this faucet keeps dripping in the background, signifying the passage of seconds, minutes and hours of time passing until it is time to return to the doctor next Monday. 
 

I am scheduled for another x-ray at that time, lab work, and another chemo treatment.  I also need to call them today to let them know about the cold, and see if there is anything further I need to do this week to build myself up for the treatment next week. 
 

In times like this we are so grateful to have the Lord to lean on, and we are leaning heavily right now. 
 

We are also grateful for the fact that we got moved before this happened.  This is such a serene location that even with the inconvenience, it is well worth it. 
 

We’ll try to keep you all informed.
 

 Marcie

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