Well, it finally happened!  I just had to change the graphics on my journal pages.  I'm not in a hospital, I'm not in bed (well, at least most of the time I'm not).  I'm alive and living a pretty full life, considering, and if I have to be portrayed as something other than what I am (and I simply don't have photos taken now), I'd rather it would be as the woman above; I've always liked this picture, and used it on a page long ago.  If you haven't seen the journal pages, you will understand why, when you do.

Not long after starting a journal on this site I was diagnosed with lung cancer, and they quickly became an update to handle the many requests I had to keep people informed of my condition, and my journey through a life of cancer.  I found that being very open about all that I was going through helped others who had cancer, or people who had loved ones with cancer.  It also served an important purpose for all those of you who don't have cancer, at least not yet.  Cancer is a terribly "scary" thing, and I found long ago, when my mother-in-law had cancer, that most people tend to avoid it.  They avoid people who have it (they don't know what to say), they avoid learning about it, they avoid everything about it they can.

However, with more than 3 million of us being diagnosed with it a year now, it is not something many can avoid.  As I grew to know more and more about this disease, and found the relationship that stress had to cancer.  Some proven, some of which they've been unable to prove so far, but strongly feel, it was obvious that the people who are diagnosed who do not know anything about it, or know how to handle it, are seriously impaired in their recovery by not knowing.  It is only when the mystery; the things you do not know about cancer, are known, that you can move forward to improve your condition.  The picture of someone cowering on the stairs, terrified and unable to function (I've actually seen this portrayed on TV), is a person who's cancer is crowing with delight, for it can grow rampantly if that keeps up!  So, if for no one but yourself, just in case, you need to learn about it.  You also need to know how to be able to comfort a loved one who has it.

I just lost a dear friend to the same cancer I have, just a month ago (September 2006).  Shortly afterward, a friend asked me how you act with a person in that situation - in their words, someone who is dying.  What do you say?  How do you speak of their impending death?  I was surprised by the questions, but I feel that if one person has asked, there are bound to be more, for this is not an easy thing to ask someone, especially someone who's also ill with the same thing.  They were quite upset about not knowing what to say and do in a personal situation they had.

Answering these questions is not difficult if you have nursed a loved one before, and I suppose I was fortunate in a way to have had a mother-in-law who had cancer so long ago, because the mystique about cancer disappeared at that time.  Since that time I nursed my mother through her last months, and what a blessing it was to finally be able to be with her, for I was in Alaska until just a few months before she died.

First, we do not ever know that a person is imminently dying.  God is the only one who knows when each of us is to die, so there is never a need to discuss it with someone unless they bring it up first.  I don't feel it should ever be mentioned unless they mention it first.  They are ill, but there have been many times a person was thought to be dying for sure, and they rallied, or were even returned to health.

How you talk to an ill person is just like you talked to them before they were ill, if they can talk and listen easily.   Their lives are filled with talk about their illness, and after telling them how sorry you are that they are ill, you might want to talk to them of other things, the kind of things you'd normally talk to them about.  It's not necessary to have solutions, or say something important, it is enough that you thought to visit them, and spend time with them.  You might ask if you could read to them (assuming there's something available to read they'd enjoy), and whatever you talk about, you should treat them just as you always have.  That is what they want.  If all else fails, just sitting quietly with them will help.

I have to apologize for keeping you so ill informed on here.  Although we send updates out via email to almost 200 people, there are still people who come to the website to see how I'm doing, and I was dismayed to see that I had not put one on here since May!  I will get them all on in this update, but I am not going to continue to list each one in our Main Index.  Instead, I am creating an index for them in this section, that will be reached from  the main index.  These journals go back to early in 2003, when I first began chemotherapy, and continue to the present time through three years of our lives, and moves from Alaska to Oregon, then on to Happy Camp, California, and now to our new home.  Busy times.

Marcie Foley
October 29, 2006

Here's my last update:

This update will be a little different that previous ones, as I made notes here and there during our recent move to the home we recently  bought, and the span of time from the beginning of this update  to the end covers a period of several weeks.

 

August 31, 2006 

Yesterday was “just one of THOSE days…” 

We have been moving our things from the rental house in Happy Camp to our new house upriver for about a week now, and putting in very long, busy, hard-working days.  We keep saying we’re going to take a day off and relax, but somehow we never do. 

I guess part of our problem is that we have a whole lot of stuff!  In addition to all the regular household stuff, we have an unusually large amount of computer stuff, having three computers, and part of another one, and all the peripheral stuff that goes along with them.  Then, we have a whole lot of gold prospecting stuff.  A full trailer full, and probably more than two trailers full, even though we only have one trailer for it.  Then, we have a lot of sewing and craft stuff, because those are things that I do, we have an unusually large amount of books that we keep, office supplies, and things like that. 

One of the things we seem to have the most of, however, is collectible items, and that’s a failing I’ve inherited.  Much of what I have has been handed down, or the collection was started by something handed down to me by family, and when you put all this stuff together it just adds up to a whole lot of stuff that has to be moved. 

In theory, Jim had an excellent plan.  All the boxes were to be labeled, and he would put them in stacks in the garage and bring the particular box in to me when I wanted it.  In actuality, that didn’t work as well as we’d planned. 

I printed labels that identified the room the box was going to on three sides, and on the fourth was a detailed list of the contents in addition to the destination room.  One problem came in when Jim couldn’t keep his glasses on while moving boxes, and without them couldn’t even see which side had the list, and quit even looking for it.  So, if boxes were stacked six or eight high, the list could face any direction and you could not see it, so I couldn’t identify what I needed, and neither could he. 

Then, toward the end we were all tired, still had lots to do, and the labeling became haphazard, with notes scribbled on with a marker, to join the three or four other notes from previous moves (we’ve been saving good cartons, since we’ve moved so frequently – Jim and I have moved six times in eight years, and I’ve moved eight times in eight years).  

We had been focusing on getting the big furniture into the house from the garage, and in place; getting the clothes, linens, and other necessities in the closets, after first putting the kitchen and pantry together so we could cook and eat.  I’ve been cleaning as I go, except for cleaning pantry shelves and the inside of kitchen cabinets, which my friend, Anita, helped me with just before we began moving, along with putting fresh shelf paper down in them. 

Yesterday, however, we wanted to get the dryer connected so we could do some badly needed laundry, and the dryer connection did not match the receptacle.  Jim had picked up a new receptacle the previous day in Yreka (an hour away), and early on he asked if I had seen a red object that was approximately pencil shaped with a pocket clip, and that “beeped.” 

Surprisingly, Anita and I had come across just such an object on his desk at the Happy Camp house that beeped when we touched it.  Since he wasn’t around, and it was lying with the pencils on his desk, we put it in his pencil holder.  Well, pencil holders were among the last things that were moved, and I had no idea when his had been packed, or where, or what it had been transported in, or if it had even left Happy Camp.  Jim took the desks down, but he couldn’t remember, either. 

We began hunting for the pencil holder.  And, while we were at it, we were looking for two large items that hadn’t come into the house yet, a square occasional table and a chair.  Jim thought they were buried in the garage, so we began moving bookshelves, storage shelves, large pieces of plywood, saws, and other things, to get at everything so we could isolate all the boxes containing, or which could contain, a pencil holder, all the while keeping an eye out for the two large items. 

When we finished going through the entire garage we turned up empty on all counts.  No pencil holder, no table, no chair.  Worse, Jim didn’t remember packing either of the large items in either the truck or trailer, so he assumed he might have left them in Happy Camp.  And, it was possible the pencil holder was sitting around down there, also.  Since we have that place rented until the 13th of the month, we haven’t finished cleaning it out. 

So, we hopped into the truck and headed for Happy Camp, remembering only after we were on our way that this weekend was Bigfoot Jamboree in Happy Camp, their big annual celebration, and there was to be a parade at 11 am.  Looking at the clock, it was easy to see that we were going to be held up when we arrived, and we did, in fact, get there three minutes after the parade started.  When I told Jim we wouldn’t be able to get through he stated that “Surely they wouldn’t block all the traffic on State Hwy. 96,” and of course he didn’t believe me when I said they certainly did. 

When we topped the small rise at the edge of Happy Camp and were faced with (for Happy Camp) a huge crowd of people, big bunches of balloons and floats, and a sheriff’s car blocking the highway, he was stunned.  This is the only time of year you will see this many people “out” in Happy Camp.  Because the area’s so thickly forested, and houses are scattered hither and yon over the mountains, you really have no idea how many people actually live there.   It was obvious that we weren’t going anywhere at that moment.  So, we pulled up in a parking lot next to the road to watch the parade, and I prayed I didn’t run into anyone I knew, since I was dressed for unpacking, not parade watching!  The parade was much as I remembered it, but smaller than it used to be, and we went on our way as soon as we could, but we were met with a surprise when we got to the other house. 

None of the items we were seeking were still at the Happy Camp house! 

We were faced with the fact that either we’d missed them somehow in the garage in Hamburg (while feeling sure we hadn’t), or they’d been stolen somehow.  Even worse, Jim was terribly upset that he couldn’t remember what happened to the furniture.  Both pieces were antiques, and were favorites of ours.  I told myself not to panic, because we were doing everything we could do about it, and it was clearly already very upsetting to Jim, so we just piled back into the truck (forgetting to bring some things we’d planned to bring back) and headed back upriver to Hamburg, planning to eat lunch, and begin to REALLY go through the garage again. 

We fixed some good sandwiches with Bavarian ham from the deli, fresh lettuce, and garden tomatoes from our plants and went out on the deck to eat.  Jim got out there first, and when I arrived and sat down he said “The mystery is solved and all is well…” which didn’t make any sense to me, but eventually he explained, saying that while sitting there eating, he noticed our camping trailer out under the trees where we’d parked it, and it all came back to him… he’d packed those two pieces of furniture in the camping trailer! 

So, that problem was solved, finally, but we never did come across the little red thing he needed to connect the dryer.  It is a tester of some sort so he can test to make sure there’s no electrical power to the connection to work on it.  Note: we did find it later, in a box that Jim had marked for his stuff; he’d thought it came from the garage at the Happy Camp house, so he had it in a separate location in the garage. 

We finally decided to leave the dryer and put the guest bedroom together, but that didn’t go too well, either.  The bed in there that has never given him problems wouldn’t go together right, and we had so much stuff in the room that it was hard to work with moving large items around, but we did eventually get the bed together and in place where we wanted it to go. 

Now I am writing all this very early in the morning waiting for enough daylight so I can figure out how to get the lamps in the living room turned on (Jim seems to have them placed where only giants can reach the switches), amidst many boxes we were rummaging around in while looking for the tester, and every other room in the house looks the same; half-opened and half-unpacked boxes all over the place, from the same hunt.  My first priority today will be to get as much of that stuff unpacked and put away as possible, so we can locate the tester, since it’s a holiday (Labor Day) and there are no stores open without driving to Medford, further than we have time to go, today. 

We had a surprise visitor one evening this last week.  Jim has been bringing in stacks of cardboard cartons from the garage where they’ve been stored, waiting for this move, but before bringing them in he has blown out all the dust with his air compressor.  When we moved from La Pine some of them had been stored there in someone’s barn, and they were full of pumice dust, which caused me to have bronchitis.  We wanted to avoid that this time.  Just to show how sneaky they are, somehow a passenger still made it inside the house, and Jim suddenly noticed Missy intently watching something in the middle of the area rug in the center of the living room.  It was a three-inch or more long scorpion, and while Missy watched it carefully, she was not eager to go check it out.  Jim is not experienced with scorpions at all, but Anita and I, from a safe distance assured him that if he stepped on it real hard, it would kill it, so he did, and it did.  We didn’t think to get a photo of it, we were in a hurry to get it gone. 

Since I run around the house all the time in bare feet, and everyone else had been doing so too, since it was quite warm at the time, we were quite stunned at this, and for that night, in particular, no one went anywhere in bare feet, inside or out.  Scorpions are some of my least favorite creatures, and this was the second one I’ve found inside my home in Happy Camp.  I went into the bathroom in a large 3-story house I rented here years ago, closed the door and found myself facing a large scorpion less than a foot away.  They are especially unwelcome in a small, confined space when you are not very awake! 

While we were cleaning kitchen cabinets and drawers, I came across several pages of handwritten notes from the lady who had owned this house from the time it was built in 1978 to a year or so ago, telling about a few things you might want to know, describing some of the flowers she’d planted, etc.  In those notes she cautioned that you must keep the screen door to the slider in the bedroom latched or you would have skunks, raccoons, and scorpion visitors!  From what one of the neighbors told me, this woman fed the animals, putting cat food out on the deck, so she had a lot of them hanging around, which didn’t make her a favorite of the neighbors, who also had to contend with them. 

And, according to our next-door neighbor, he had bears and foxes getting into his trash regularly if it was stored outside.  They just moved here last November, so haven’t been here very long either.  Jim saw a bear just a couple of miles downriver from here, on the opposite bank of the river, and it may be that is one of the places where bear cross the river.  They seem to have favorite places to cross at, and create trails which they frequent, in those areas.  This one that Jim saw was very healthy looking, weighed about 400 lbs., and was a nice-looking specimen.  While there are bears here of many different variations of color and size in this area, they are all classed as black bears.  Some of them, especially the cinnamon-colored ones, are very large, and look a lot like a grizzly bear, but there are differences in the way they are built.  They are still called black bears.  As far as I ever heard, no one in this area was ever attacked by a bear, or mauled, or killed, although they do a lot of damage to property at times.  The only threatening encounter I read about happened when a bear came right into someone’s mobile home while they were sleeping, and it got pretty thrashed before the altercation was over, but the couple managed to chase it out finally with a couple of baseball bats!   

.  Photo below: The bear Jim recently saw…

 The last few days we’ve really enjoyed sitting out on our deck off the living room of our house.  The house sits fairly near our highway below, but it is a very rural, two-lane highway, and much of the traffic is either local residents or US Forest Service vehicles, or Cal-Trans vehicles, working on the highway.  Since we are quite a ways above the highway, it doesn’t seem to matter that we are near it, since we are not right in view of everyone going by, although friends are already telling me they’ve seen us as they passed. 

It’s strange, because when we moved to the house in Happy Camp we really wanted to be very private, and liked that house because of its privacy.  Here, it seems more neighborly to be situated as we are, and we get to see who is going to and from town, to the store just a house away, who’s taking walks, etc.  Even though we’re right in the middle of whatever’s going on (which isn’t much in our rural area), we still feel like we have privacy with mountains of forest behind us, no neighbor on one side, and no regular neighbors across the highway.  While we see our one neighbor fairly often, our views of each other are well blocked by trees. 

We blocked the steps leading off our deck, and have allowed Missy to come out there with us, and she loves it.  Last evening as we sat out there, a family of quail came along to feed just outside our garden fence.  The Papa of the family flew up onto the garden fence to stand watch over his flock, and Missy enjoyed that thoroughly.  We chat with a neighbor who walks along the highway each day, watched the traffic on the highway (there’s not much of that), and the birds and lizards.  We don’t have our birdfeeders here yet, and don’t really know how or where we’re going to put them up, since the branches in these cedars are all so high off the ground, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out.  A good place to start with cracked corn would be right out where the quail were visiting last night, under the cedars next to our camping trailer.  Note: we later put up a couple of birdfeeders, and already have hummingbirds and small birds coming to them, as well as larger ones coming for cracked corn on the ground. The hummingbirds will be leaving soon, since it is now cooling off and fall is approaching, but it’s nice to see they found the feeders so soon. We put that one right outside the window in the living room, so we can see it from inside, and so can the cat. 

Lying in our bed and looking out the sliding doors is absolutely wonderful.  Our little creek (the Hamburg Ditch) is only a few steps from the house, and is bordered by wild ferns and coast redwoods. The redwoods don’t get as giant here as they do on the coast, because this isn’t their ideal climate as the coast is, but they still get very large, and with the ferns and other small plants out there, with dappled sunlight filtering through the trees, that makes it a very unique, special place.  It’s our own little slice of old-growth redwood and cedar forest.  While only a small piece of it is ours, there are six acres of forest directly behind our house, and that’s backed up by many mountains of more of the same.  We live in the middle of a national forest – The Klamath National Forest, to be exact. 

September 6th – We’ve been here a week now and still have no television, and just got long distance telephone a day or so ago.  We are waiting on a field supervisor to try to find a signal for satellite TV, and he is due out here on the 8th.  They have to come out from Central Point, a small town beyond Medford, Oregon, which is the reason for the wait.  What with all the trees and the slope up the mountain, it is not an easy job to find a satellite signal, since south is the direction the satellite is in, and that’s also the direction the mountain climbs in, with the Marble Mountain Wilderness behind. 

September 8th – The last few days have been ones of deep sadness.  On Wednesday, September 6th, longtime friend Lesa Barton died of lung cancer at just 48 years of age.  We knew it was coming, but that doesn’t seem to make it any easier, somehow.  I first met Lesa before I came to Happy Camp, when we were mining summers on Beaver Creek in this area in the early to mid-eighties, and she and her husband Bob had just opened Armadillo Mining Shop in Grants Pass, Oregon, just “over the hill” as they say here.  She was very young in those days, a small, quiet, good looking woman with a soft Texas drawl, one of those who everyone says is “the nicest person you’d ever want to meet,” and that describes her well.  However, she was much more than that, she was strong, courageous, and valiant in fighting for mining rights, she was helpful, level-headed and one of only a handful of us women who were accepted in the male-dominated mining community who knew what we were talking about, and she worked long and hard to provide miners with what they wanted and needed.   

There were just three of us women in mining in this area; Lesa, Elaine Schrader, and me.  Elaine died of cancer just a year or so ago, and now Lesa is gone, too. 

Just diagnosed about four months ago, Lesa was seeing the same oncologist as I am, Dr. Ahmann, and he told me that although she had the same kind of cancer I did, hers was located in the pleura, the section of the lungs that covers or surrounds the lung, causing it to be extremely painful.  He also said that when a younger person gets lung cancer it seems to strike harder, faster, and advance much more aggressively than it does in older people.  Lesa was so young and healthy it had a stranglehold on her before she knew it was there.  What a terrible thing!  Jim and I have just been devastated at what they have to go through. 

Lesa’s valiant struggle is over, but for her husband Bob, with whom she did everything, her mother and brother who came to her as soon as she was diagnosed and stayed to help through these last months, our hearts go out in deepest sympathy, and prayers to find peace and to comfort them would be much appreciated.  This gentle, loving woman has found her peace now with the Lord, and we ask that those left behind might find peace also. 

September 17, 2006 – Wow!  What a busy week this last one has been!  I seemed to be on a never-ending merry-go-round of having every surface covered with cartons or contents and cleaning them all off only to have more magically appear, waiting to have something done with them until it seemed the house would hold no more, but so far it is actually all fitting in.  I’m still not quite done with putting things away, but most of it is confined to the guest bedroom/workroom/library in which I’m trying to put a lot of things.  Jim has made a lot of headway in the garage, both in emptying it out and in getting things put away out there, and we are at least assured now that all of our things are here. 

We spent two days and part of another cleaning in the Happy Camp house last week, and Anita came down again to help with that.  We picked most of the blossoms from the huge hydrangea plants down there, and I dried them, and now have bouquets of hydrangea in white, white/pink, green, green/pink, and dusty blue (that’s what the purple faded to) all over the house.  I shared some with a neighbor who graciously brought us fresh tomatoes and other vegetables from their garden, including a fresh garden salsa that was delicious, and I shared some with Anita.  To dry them I had a ready-made solution.  At the front of the house, attached to the porch is one of those clotheslines that runs on a pulley with a top and bottom line, to a tree.  If you watch old, old movies, you’ve seen these types of lines running from tenement buildings in cities like New York. 

A piece of wire attached with a nail next to the line holds clothespins.  We simply attached the stems of the flowers to the clothesline with the clothespins, and they were strung across the yard to hang upside down to dry.  It actually worked quite well.  We will be moving this line to the back yard, but think we’ll keep it for drying special things I like hanging out. 

I also potted up all my plants that were in the large half-barrels at the other house and moved them, and they’re all sitting on the porch waiting to go into the ground here.  They’re all doing well so far.  They are mostly perennial herbs, except for one box of flowering annuals. 

The last day we were at the Happy Camp house we had taken a lunch and were sitting out on the deck enjoying it when all four of the buck deer spied us from up on the mountainside and came rushing down the trail to greet us, happy to see us again.  What a treat that was!  Of course they wanted to be fed, and we had nothing with us to feed them, but finally scrounged up some lettuce left from lunch for the young ones, and I had some pieces of biscotti in the truck that the “Old Man” loves, so he got a special treat.  He just crunches them up and loves them… toasted almond biscotti, very hard and crunchy.  After they ate they spread out on the grass and took a rest as usual.  It was awfully nice to have them visit one last time.  We are hoping and praying that they all make it through hunting season, which is in full swing now.  Hopefully, if they stay right in that area, they will be safe, since there are so many homes there, and people can’t hunt right there.  

Later on a doe and fawn came along.  The fawns are large enough now that the does are out with them everywhere, and they are so neat to watch.  Jim and I were alone that day, and I waited in the truck for him to finish.  He was in the garage and made a noise and mom and baby scattered, going different directions.  The baby came back and stood in front of the truck looking at me with big, big ears waving, still all covered with spots.  Then at another noise he went Hop! Hop! Hop!  Up the drive he hopped, to stand in deep shade, very still.  In a few minutes mom came back and stood in the drive, and baby’s ears began wiggling, then after a few cautious steps he bounded down to her, nuzzling her and frolicking, overjoyed to have found her.  How cute they are.  We just wish more drivers were careful of them at this time of year.   

On the 12th I had my next medical appointments, and since they weren’t scheduled to start until just after 2 pm we planned to get into Medford early in the morning and spend the day shopping for a number of things we needed for the house, mostly for minor repairs, get groceries, and then do the three appointments.  Well, things didn’t work out quite as planned.  First, we were held up here by one thing and another, and left an hour later than planned.  Then, road construction on our end and the Medford end added 45 minutes of waiting, unplanned for.  Then, with the new construction finished at an interchange there, somehow we made a wrong turn and ended up out by Table Mountain, north of Medford, because Jim hates to retrace his steps, and was sure we’d intersect something that would lead us back to Medford, and we never did.  We wandered around lost for a full hour or more.  Then we had to get back to town quickly, as we were about to run out of gas!  That, thankfully, is coming down in price finally. 

And Jim was just getting to where he thought he knew his way around Medford!  It is actually kind of confusing, because there are a number of one-way streets, and many streets do not go through town from one end to the other.  Also, there are only two freeway exits for the town, so much driving has to be done on surface streets. 

What it boiled down to that day was that we had only about an hour before doctor appointments, after all that confusion, so we had lots to do afterward.  We did some of it, but by the time we got out of Lowe’s Home Center after 8 pm and still hadn’t had dinner, we were done for the day.  We finally found a restaurant with room in the parking lot for us, got some dinner and headed home, arriving 1-1/2 hrs. later. 

I was nervous about the appointments with the way things were going that day, but Dr. Ahmann was very pleased with my tests that day.  It has been six weeks since we stopped chemo, and we were all concerned that the tumor had grown during that time, but he reports there is absolutely no change in it whatsoever.  My blood and all my other tests look excellent, my oxygen level is up very well now (I’m only doing oxygen at night while I sleep), and I’ve been going great guns every single day for weeks now, putting in very long days of much more physical activity than in a very long time.  It has strengthened me, and I’m feeling much better.  Although I sometimes rest in the afternoon for a bit if I’m home and have time, I have not even relaxed for an evening since long before we moved in, but work right through until bedtime each night. Dr. Ahmann was so pleased with how well I’m doing that I don’t have to come back for two months this time, and my next appointment will be in mid-November, unless I develop problems in the meantime. 

We are kind of in uncharted territory here right now with my illness, and none of us knows what to expect, since there have not been results as good as mine with any of his other patients that used this medication.  So, the name of the game is to live life to the fullest each day, keep up all the things that are bringing about improvement, get tons of exercise, etc., keep taking what I need so I can go right back on the medication if the need arises, and just be watchful for any changes.   

I read an article in a magazine they gave me at the hospital this time that said the term for my kind of cancer is “metastatic cancer.”  Here’s what it had to say about it: “…Because not all cancer can be cured, cancer survivorship sometimes means living with cancer.  This experience will mean different things for different people and will vary by the type of cancer, symptoms, personal and spiritual beliefs, social support, and expected survival. 

“Metastatic cancer refers to cancer that has spread from its original site to other parts of the body.  Many people with metastatic cancer live prolonged, symptom-free lives.  As you adjust to living with cancer, remember what aspects of life bring you joy, peace, and meaning, and seek these out.”  

“If you do experience symptoms from your cancer, such as pain or difficulty breathing, be sure to get treatment for them as soon as possible.  This will allow you to focus on other aspects of your life, such as your relationships with family and friends.  It’s also important to remember that although anxiety and depression are common among people with cancer, these conditions can be treated.  Don’t be afraid to seek help if you’re experiencing a sense of hopelessness.  Keep in mind, people living with metastatic cancer still lead fulfilling, joyful lives...” 

Jim and I, right now, are experiencing many activities that we have not been able to for a very long time due to my illness.  I can’t say what tomorrow will hold, but then, neither can any of you.  We all have only this moment in time, and no guarantees for a second beyond that; it is that, that I try to keep before me, and help me get through the times when I get “down.”  I am alive, right now, and I need to be very thankful for that – and I am!  This is why Jim and I feel so very blessed. 

I can’t tell you what a thrill it has been this past month or two, to be able to do so many things that I’ve been unable to do for such a long time.  From simple things like walking up and down steps easily, to going shopping.  Shopping… shopping is a woman’s joy, I think, and for more than four years, I’ve been unable to do any shopping.  I don’t mean just looking around shopping; I’ve been unable to go out and buy the things we need to keep the house going, the food for cooking, the clothes for our backs, or anything else.   

Now, in that length of time, with the rapidity of new things being introduced, the stores, and what they have on the shelves, have changed a great deal in that length of time, and I was all agog at the first store I entered.  It happened to be Bi-Mart, an Oregon discount store with a large variety of goods, where we get a number of items.  Since we had such a short time before the doctor appointments, Jim was rushing me, and I was trying to hurry, really I was, but it was difficult, to say the least.  I was trying to use blinders, but kept seeing things I knew we needed, but weren’t on our list.  Somehow we made it through in time, and still managed to pick up a number of things I was grateful for.  

As I went through that day, and then the second day of shopping a few days afterward, it was quite amazing to me to see all that was now available, but even then I had to block out all the things it was not necessary to get at that time, or we’d never have finished shopping for what was needed most.  Much of what we needed was found at Lowe’s (Medford doesn’t have Home Depot yet, but they’re building one!), and I was able to use an electric cart there, which was a lifesaver for me.  Even with that, the walking I had to do everywhere else took its toll on my back, but that is slowly improving.  I am looking forward to going shopping again, and we are putting together another list of things for the house toward that goal.  I am still buying most of what few clothes I buy online, or from catalogs, but hope to be able to even get to do some of that soon.

The Lord does work in mysterious ways…  

We still do not have any television.  We’ve been without it since before we moved, when we disconnected it in Happy Camp.  At first it seemed terribly quiet, but without that distraction, it is easier to stay focused on unpacking and getting this place in order and all that keeps me on my feet and moving throughout the day, which is all good for me. 

They are having big trouble getting a signal for satellite TV for us, and at first we went through what Jim called the “TV Installer from Hell” with DirecTV, then they (DirecTV) actually cancelled our order and didn’t notify us while we messed up our schedule for days waiting around here for installers who never showed up, etc.  Now we’re working with Dish Network, who called someone else to come for a second opinion, and we’re expecting them out tomorrow to see what they plan to do. 

Fortunately, if they are unsuccessful, I have a very good and old friend who is experienced at this work, and he assures us that we can get it taken care of, one way or another, that we can pick up the stuff in town, arrange for the service, and tell them we’ll do the installing, and we’ll do it.  So, we’ll eventually get it, but we just don’t know when.  Since our small local newspaper from Yreka only carries local news, without the television we feel like we are kind of left out of the loop, whatever that is.   

Our weather here has taken “a turn” the last few days, and we were supposed to get a storm, I was told, but that didn’t materialize except for wind and a few rain spatters.  It was supposed to remain cloudy for several more days, but that never happened, and we have mostly clear skies, but it is quite cool, and we haven’t arranged for oil for our heat yet, so we’re heating the house this morning with our oven!  It was only 64 degrees when I got up today, and that is about six degrees cooler than I like it.  It is now getting down to 40 at night, usual here for this time of year, but we don’t know where the summer went… it seemed more like one long weekend, or something that flew by so fast we could hardly take a breath before it disappeared. 

Lee and Anita pulled out of here yesterday morning, headed back to Barstow for the winter, and we were terribly sad to see them go, we certainly enjoyed our time with them this summer.  Lee wasn’t feeling well, however, and wanted to get home, so it was time for them to go.  I made a big pot of soup for Lee for what ails him, which helped some and after they stayed most of a couple of days here we sadly said our goodbyes. 

There was a “Celebration of Life” service for Lesa Barton last evening in Grants Pass, Oregon, so I made a couple of batches of brownies the night before, and after Lee and Anita pulled out we quickly got ready and headed to Medford again to try to finish up all the shopping we didn’t get to do last week.  We spent the day actually getting things accomplished, and got most of what we needed for repairs, etc., and I got more fabric for curtains for the windows and fabric to cover one chair, drapery hardware and things like that.  We saved grocery shopping for last, picked all those up, and used the cooler to keep meet fresh, then headed at near sundown for Grants Pass where we attended the ceremony for Lesa.  We had to make one stop, however.  We were in such a hurry yesterday morning that Jim forgot to shave, and we had to stop at a rest area for him to do that on the way to Grants Pass.  We still made it there just in time.  And what a meeting it was – a fitting testimony to a woman loved by one and all.  The crowd completely maxed out the meeting hall there, a number of people were standing, and they had to turn people away at the end! 

Lesa had asked all of us to recite the Lord’s Prayer, and for someone to sing Amazing Grace.  Kat Kitchar, Tom Kitchar’s wife, did a wonderful rendition of Amazing Grace, we recited the prayer, and then they asked Jim to give a blessing before we all ate.  There were several large tables absolutely groaning with all kinds of food.  I have never seen such a turnout for someone like this, there must have been 200 or more people there.  Jim and I left fairly early, since we had such a long drive home, and didn’t want to spend the night over there.  The traffic was light and we were able to get home before 11 pm, but something like that drains you, and after a full day of shopping for the house earlier in the day, we were both certainly ready for bed by the time we got home. 

Poor Dr. Ahmann was devastated about Lesa when I saw him last week.  He was Lesa’s doctor, also.  He did not know Lesa had died, because she had gone to a hospice, and then home at the end, so she was out of his care.  He said it was just terrible, that nothing they tried, and they tried it all, would even slow her cancer down.  It was easy to see he was upset.  Jim and I spoke of that later, and don’t know how an oncologist manages to get through that all the time.  It must be terrible to try so hard to help someone who is such a warm, loving person as Lesa was; someone who is in terrible pain, and to be unable to do anything to stop the illness or affect any healing. 

I also wanted to mention, for anyone else who has RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome), as Jim does, it looks like we may have a solution.  I’d mentioned this problem in an earlier update.  Jim’s particular case is worse when he is working hardest, and he’s been doing that pretty much all summer, first with dredging, and then with moving.  And, that is when he needs good sleep most, and I’ve needed it, too, and it’s impossible for me to sleep well if he is thrashing around in the bed.  My aunt Sami wrote to say that she’d had this problem, and it was related to back problems; so that made sense, since Jim does have the back problems.  She had some stretching exercises that she does just before bed each night that solved the problem for her, so just this last week, when I came across her email again, Jim decided to try them, and they are working!  She said all she does is to bend from the waist, and stretch those leg muscles as far as she can, reaching with her hands for the floor.  She then stands, and repeats it five or six times.  It takes just a few minutes, and works wonders.  He’s been doing it each night, and has slept peacefully.  Last night he forgot them, and had a restless night again.  I moved out of the bed and onto the couch for the night rather than disturb him, but this sure seems to be a solution for this, if any of you suffer from it, or have others who do. 

I know I mentioned it before, but in case you missed it, Hamburg’s population is listed at 80 people.  That is quite small by any standards, but we are finding that most of our near neighbors are very nice.  I have never moved into a neighborhood where everyone stopped by to introduce themselves and welcome me to the neighborhood, but that’s what has happened here, and it has been very nice.  The seller of this house is a neighbor, and a very nice one at that, who has been very helpful to us in a number of ways.  Our next-door neighbor is also very nice, as the others we’ve met also seem to be.  Because of the configuration of the land, the homes here are situated in a couple of groups, where there is reasonably flat land for building.  The group our home is located in is the smaller of the two groups, so other homes are mostly located down the road a ways.   

Chuck, who sold us our house, is also the “manager” of the Hamburg Ditch, our water source, and he has asked Jim if he’d be interested in helping with that.  Jim is interested, so he will be “walking the ditch” with Chuck the next time he does this.  Chuck said that originally there were a number of people involved in it, but some died, some moved, and now there is just him and one other resident active in keeping it up to snuff.  When Jim finishes walking it, I imagine he will know a lot more about the people who live here, but how much he remembers will be anyone’s guess.  Jim is better known for his lack of memory than the astuteness of it, but if he is interested in something he remembers it much better.  There are NO side streets off this highway, so all homes here are located either right on the highway, or up a driveway that might serve several homes.  It really doesn’t seem to us that there could be 80 residents here, and there may not be.  The sign could also be way out of date, that’s something we’ll have to learn more about, too. 

Jim has also contacted the weather service about doing a weather station for Hamburg.  There is none here, so there’s no local weather.  The nearest one is about 8 miles up the canyon, but things change a whole lot in that distance, in topography like this, depending on the locations.  Jim managed the weather station for Two Rivers when we were in Alaska, so he’s done that before, and it would be nice to have the information. 

Last month was birthday month for me and I celebrated my 68th birthday.  I went through a phase after turning 60 years old of trying to forget about birthdays for a time, but when you fight for your life, they take on a whole new meaning, and each one I am now blessed to have is a great celebration for me, whether I get to do something special or not.  Last month also marked the fourth anniversary since I was diagnosed with cancer, and nine years (the doctors think) since I actually contracted it.  What the statistics go by is diagnosis, however, and I am now among a very small percentile of people with lung cancer who have survived this length of time.  Lesa’s case was more common.  Statistics say that 70% of all people diagnosed with lung cancer die within 9 months.  I don’t know why the Lord still bothers to keep this old bag of bones alive, but I feel wonderfully blessed to have each day with my loved ones that I have. 

Speaking of that, we will be celebrating an early Thanksgiving this year!  Thanksgiving week here is usually atrocious weather, and more years than not, that week ushers in the first great storm of the winter.  My children hope to miss that this year, and have asked to come celebrate in October, instead.  So, in mid-October we will have Thanksgiving dinner here with all the kids and grandkids.  And, we may have my ex-husband and his wife, Bill and Jan Stumpf.  They are actually camped just a couple of miles upriver of us right now, and we’ve run into them several times lately.  When I told Bill about the kids’ plans, he said they may still be here at that time, so if they are, and even if they are not, they may come for dinner with us all.  We’ve invited them, and since they actually live in Medford, it’s not far away. 

My brother Everett and Uncle John will soon be visiting, too, and I can’t wait to see them.  I haven’t seen them since my mother died two years ago.  They are going to make a trip up here, and then on to Utah to visit my aunt sometime in the next month. 

With all this family activity coming in the next month, that will provide further impetus to get things in order here in the house, get coverings on all the windows, and get it as ready for lots of company as possible in that length of time.  It will also continue to help with my expanded exercise and activities. 

In addition to the house I also have a garden to get ready for next spring, finally, and I’m eager to get going on that.  It will be mostly flowers, with just room for a few vegetables.  I have missed not being able to have nice flowers growing, and things grow so well in this area that I’m really looking forward to it.  They are a joy to the soul.  My grandmother had me digging in her garden from the time I was small, and there is something very comforting about doing that – for me, anyway.  Of course, there are always some obstacles to overcome.  From the looks of the soil around here it appears to be made up of 80% or more rocks, with a little soil thrown in between, and in a number of places bedrock is sticking up above the surface of the ground.  That could make for some uncomfortable digging, but I’m not going to extend the present area much, just mostly rearrange and remove a rampant Vinca (periwinkle) that has taken over most of the garden space, so I can plant other things in its place.  I have ten rose bushes here already, and plan to get a couple more, ramblers or climbers, to cover a lattice fence, and I want to plant some of my other favorite perennials I’ve been without since I left this area eight years ago.   

I am planning a secret garden on one side of the house, in a hidden area, but that will wait until I get the front taken care of, mostly.  It is a quiet, cool place with a huge old apple tree hanging over the fence from the property next door to shade the area.  This area is hidden by our small pump house that sits next to the big house.  The front of it is fine looking, but the back, the side seen from this garden area has more the look of a dilapidated outhouse, so it’s going to need a bit of work.  There is already one large fern in this area, and I plan to plant most or all of the ones I brought from Happy Camp there, too.  They are small yet, but will be pretty back there. 

We also have to experiment somewhat with watering techniques; we have water from several sources, but we really don’t want to use our pressurized, filtered water for gardening, since the ultraviolet bulbs are quite expensive.  So, we bought some soaker hose yesterday and plan to try that out with this low pressure water and see if that will work.  Anyone have any suggestions in this area?  We are open to anything we might try that should work.  Sprinklers are out, and anything requiring pressurized line.  The soaker hose we bought is of mostly recycled rubber tires, and it oozes water all along the line.  We just don’t know if it will work with what only gravity flows. 

I’m going to begin on a plan for the garden now, so I have lots of time to think about it and decide what to plant.  How well we can solve the watering dilemma will have a lot to do with what gets planted there, too.  Jim measured the area for me today so I can proceed with my plan.  I love to plan out something like that, and it makes it much, much easier when you go to buy plants for a garden because you know beforehand what plants you’re going to get, and know they’ll fit in the space you have planned, and the light, water, and other requirements for them can be met.  It also makes it easier to plan when you are going to have to do the garden in stages, so you are not left with too much space and nothing to fill it, or more plants than the garden will hold, or plants that do not work well because it was unplanned and wherever you put them just didn’t work out.  If I had easy gardens, those that are flat, full of sun and easy to care for, planning would not be such an important step, I guess, but in this case it is. 

September 20th – Well, the Dish Network second opinion guy was not able to get a signal either, but all is not lost.  He said that if we could take the four-ft. pole sticking up out front and raise it another six feet, that he thought he could get a good signal, before he left, so Jim was going to try to find out how to make that happen, but the installer’s office called that afternoon to say that they could install the pole for us, so Jim told them DO IT!  So, they are supposed to be here tomorrow afternoon to install the pole and we are hopefully going to finally have television again. 

I hope I can leave you all chuckling this time… 

Those of you who have visited us are familiar with our cat, Missy.  She is quite a cat, and is spoiled, of course, but she is also a very intelligent cat.  I’ve had cats my entire life, and she is the smartest one, by far.  She understands and acts on much of what we say.  She minds well most of the time, even in things that most cats pay no attention to.  Jim had never had a cat, and he didn’t like cats, he said, but while checking the pound looking for a dog, something led him to go to the cat room one day in Alaska, and there he found Missy, and was captivated by her.  We brought her home seven years ago, when she was about 5 months old, and she’s traveled with us ever since.  She has even flown with us from Alaska to Oregon and back again! 

Jim has a sensitive nose, and really doesn’t like to smell a cat box, so he had a great idea for making a special place for Missy when we moved in here.  We have an attached garage, and he wanted to cut a hole large enough for her in the separating wall of our utility room and build a wooden box in the adjacent garage to hold her litter box.  Yesterday was the day, and he had hammers, saws, drills, screw guns and vacuums going on all afternoon out there.  Missy doesn’t like loud noises, so she stayed completely away from that area all day.  At day’s end he had it done except for sealing up a few places where cool air can get in.  He insisted on putting her box in there, sure she would like the dark place to hide.  Well, what he forgot is that she really doesn’t like to be cold.  He brought her in and sat her down in front of this dark hole, and as I leaned down to pet her, I could feel the cold, dank air coming in… she bolted, and refused to go near it for a long time.  She finally investigated it later, but turned right around and came back out, and by this morning, Jim was getting worried that she had not used the box.  I don’t know if you’ve ever tried, but it’s impossible to keep your eyes on your cat all day to see if they use their litter box. 

At one point yesterday I suggested “I suppose a night light is out of the question?  It would make it light and more friendly, and might heat it up a bit in there for her.”  Jim said it was out of the question.   However, by mid-morning today, Missy was sitting in the middle of our bathroom (something she doesn’t normally do) with her Garfield look.  Ears back, eyes full of disgust.  A thought came to me, and while I wanted to tell Jim about it, I laughed until I cried, trying to do so.  She looked like she was thinking “Well, I guess I could learn to use this horrible contraption they have in here, or else I’ll have to go into that ‘Black Hole from Calcutta’ where demons lurk…”  Photo below:  Missy sitting in a tree on one of our camping trips.

 Jim found an old desk lamp, one of those telescoping ones, and put that in there, making it light inside.  Missy ignored whatever he was doing.  She was lying in Jim’s desk chair, and when he’d finished he asked her to come see what he’d been doing.  She jumped right down and followed him out of the living room, but while Jim went straight, to the utility room, Missy made an immediate left into the other hallway and boogied for the bedroom, and under the bed she went.  She stayed there for a time and he left her alone.  Then, as I worked in the kitchen I heard him say “Oh, decided to come out, did we?  Want to come see now???.......  Oh!  Going back under the bed?  Okay…”  Jim then left for Yreka, where he had to do some banking to do, and I left her alone.  The utility room light is off, so the only light comes from the entrance to her little room.  I took a nap after lunch, so have no idea if she used her box or not.  We will have to just see what develops…

September 21st – Well, I’m happy to report that Missy is using her litter box, and all is well on that front.  I’m also happy to say that as of this evening, we have TV!!!  Finally!  We now have a good signal from the satellite, and we will now join the rest of the world again.  Unfortunately, our TV has developed some lines that appear to signify it is on its way out… we had these lines at the other house, but thought they were due to our poor reception there.  Here the reception is great now, and all those lines are still there.  Hmmm, perhaps it is time to go up one more size to help compensate for our tired, old eyes… we’ll have to think about that. 

Well, that brings you just about up-to-date on things here.  We’d like to thank all of you who are continuing in prayer for me, it really is very much appreciated.  It is a great blessing to have so many wonderful friends and family members to help in time of need.  I can’t tell you all how wonderful it has been to experience life more fully this summer than in a very long time, and what it has meant to me and to us.  Jim and I feel very wonderfully blessed, and many thanks for that go to all of you, with a special thanks to Lee and Anita, AJ, Harley and Mickey, Montine and Rusty, and all the others who helped make our transition here easier and more fun.  ALL of you are really appreciated. 

Much Love to All, 

Marcie and Jim

                    

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